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.. so, this new year has just started and it feels like it's killing me already - my mood has been crazy those last couple of weeks and honestly, I can't even resent it. I'm going from one low to a high into another deep low - it's like this Dare Devil roller coaster from Six Flags ..
I have been pretty emotional and made some weird decisions, which weren’t really decisions but sometimes I act like a stupid 13 year old who doesn’t know it better - even though, I’m pretty sure, I do know it better, it’s like -- hej yeah, no, I don’t make the same mistake twice, I make it 6,7,8, 98687 times, ya know, just to be sure - which I don't regret being like that ‘cos that’s just who I am, but it might have been wiser to just let go, JUST LET GO, damn it - see, I'm exaggerating because nothing really happened, nothing, that would really change my life, it's basically all in my head - I'm thinking way too much which creates a problem after another. I mean, wtf -.- I need to get a more balanced life style with a “whatever attitude” ..
Oh well, so, as you can read, I'm pretty messed up right now without a real reason - it's basically just me, being me .. starting now, I'm gonna try to be a happier me and try to surround myself only with people who are going to lift me higher, who appreciate me, know my value and won't give up on me - there are only a few people but I hope I can count on them .. especially because I made a really big step and decided that it's time to move .. moving out of my parent's house was never a real issue for me because ever since my brother moved out we have enough space for me, my clothes and my craft supplies ;) .. I get along pretty well with my parents so I never really thought about moving AND bringing all my stuff .. but I guess those three weeks, or let's say, this last week showed me that I need to be alone for a while - do my own thing .. don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for my family and friends - they are awesome, but I guess I need to be on my own for a while .. we'll see how this all turns out :) .. I did find a pretty nice apartment already - I hope I can sign the lease next week :) it's pretty big and awesome and I can't wait to start moving in, buying furniture, painting the walls and live ♥
